I do rather feel at a loss here in the UK, rather lost & vulnerable. It’s strange & I don’t like it!!!!!
I am staying with family so I should feel fine but I guess when your kids are grown up it is different. We have never lived in each others pockets & we are all very independent people, but, I still want to mummy my children, they though are grown ups in their own right with no need for mummy-ing! Even my granddaughters are independent & out going, this is a great legacy passed down by my mum & I am thrilled to see such outgoing girls!!!!
I have decided my vulnerability is due to being in, a now very foreign country, lol, sounds strange to call my birth country foreign, but that is how it feels to me now. I still enjoy being back in my old haunts & especially Bognor Regis but everything is quite different & changed. Change is good & right, if we don’t change we stagnate but I am definitely Bulgarianised now, Bulgaria is my home & change will happen just with me in it, that’s when we don’t notice
My Brother has just left for his trip home to Australia but stopped on the way to the airport to show my Ozzy born Niece the house we were all born in, in Thornton Heath, Croydon. He phoned me to tell me it was still standing & was lived in by a lovely lady who he had a long chat with. She told him they had lived in it for 40 years & had found a photo of my dad dressed in his army uniform in the loft & had found one of his medals too, so Terry was able to confirm to them who he was etc It made me all smiley, as I love reminiscing . This is probably due to getting “older” Oh dear
When I think about the changes we have seen in Bulgaria since we first bought our properties 7 years ago, it’s quite amazing. From bank accounts to food shopping, Children’s play areas to the way we buy property, all very good but I still like the Bulgarian chaos as I know where I am hahaha. I know progress is good, especially for the country & Bulgarians but I would prefer it to stay as it is, for purely selfish reasons. I don’t want to live in another England romping towards a 21st century, so I just hope that life stays this way during my lifetime with just small changes in the cities I know it won’t but I can hope!
It has been lovely catching up with my family, barring one very weird family party where my ex husband decided to come for the day with his wife, then totally ignor me!!!! Yes very uncomfortable, I ended up taking my youngest granddaughter out for a very long walk along the beach & then on returning & realising they were still there we went for an even longer walk around all the private roads (Where I shouldn’t have been) & I took photos of very English trees & lovely houses. It reminded me very much of my homes in Worcester & Droitwich Spa. It was a lovely walk in beautiful sunshine, but boy was I knackered at the end!
So this has been a time of reminiscing my younger days & my heritage, I am now building memories in Bulgaria & I am looking forward to looking back to the old days, do you remember when…. There were no large supermarkets? Do you remember when, there were no road signs in English? I do!